Introduction

Holy Cross Lutheran Church offers individuals the chance to ask questions about the Church, faith, theology, and the Bible by putting their queries into a Question Box. A question and answer appears in each month’s newsletter. This is the November 2010 installment.

Question

How should a Christian respond to a bully?

Answer

That’s a good question, and one that faces us, no matter what age we are. When we think of bullies, we often picture a menacing figure who runs roughshod over younger and smaller kids at school and on the playground. But the truth is that we can find ourselves confronting bullies whether we are young or old, whether we are at play in recess or at work in the office.

A bully basically is an individual who uses threats, intimidation and, sometimes, violence to impose their wills upon others. They build themselves up by tearing others down. Many times, while bullies seem to want to appear to be superior to others, they, in fact, feel inferior to the people they threaten. And for some reason, they try to compensate for their feelings of inadequacy not by improving their own lots in life, but by tearing down the well-being of others.

But this is all background. The question remains, “How should a Christian respond to a bully?” The first teaching of Jesus Christ that comes to mind springs from his Sermon on the Mount, where he said,

You have heard that it was said, “An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.” But I say to you, Do not resist an evildoer. But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also…. (Matthew 5:38–39, NRSV)

Critics may object, saying this response is passive, that it enables more bullying, that it subjects the cheek-turner to abuse. The Christian reply acknowledges the real danger one faces in turning the cheek. But it also says that we Christians have a calling to walk in the way of the cross. Our Lord never promises this will be easy, or fun, or free from pain. But just as he bore the cross and died for the sake of sinners, we live by his grace that overpowers all opposition.

This grace enables us to look into the twisted and sneering face of a bully and to trust that, somehow, this mean person is a fellow child of God, made in his image. The bully is one for whom Christ died. And our refusal to respond with violence witnesses to the bully that our Lord has the last words to say about his or her conduct and life—words of judgment and grace.

A second Christian principle helps as well. We believe that God’s Word of Law informs the laws of the land. Their purpose is to restrain evil. So turning to the civil authorities when necessary is an act that permits God’s Law, at work through the police, to have its say.

Finally, we remember another teaching from the Sermon on the Mount. Jesus said,

You have heard that it was said, “You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.” But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven…. (Matthew 5:43–44, NRSV)

We can pray for God our Father to soften the heart of the bully, to open him or her to the witness of our non-violent response that follows the example of our Lord Jesus, and to pour out his Holy Spirit upon us, so that we may not grow weary in our witness.